Your attitude

Yes many of us sit and tell God all about our problems and we tell Him the way we want the outcome to be. And then we wait most times impatiently and expecting the help from above to show up with a flash and bang.
 But many times we just go from overreaction to reaction as an animal might do.
 We are works in progress always being refined,tested,molded by God's Loving hands .

  So what is the point I am trying to make it is this: First your attitude determines your altitude. Second You can be proactive in dealing with your problems. Third If you complain about a situation then come up with a solution to said problem. Fourth How much energy & effort are you going to waste on something before you realize that it would be in your best interest to let God handle it.
  My example for you all is myself; I deal with chronic,severe back pain due to a failed back fusion in 2002 and now plates and screws in my left ankle. Now each day I get to decide how to be.When I get up I can moan and groan and complain on how much everything hurts and it does, And I can be crabby and whiny all day and by nightfall I would have wasted my efforts and energy on doing nothing.
  But because of who lives in me I choose to be grateful to be able to move,walk.live in this life in accordance with Jesus Christ and  to be able to share with you how God has moved in my life and by not letting my pain control me. In other words I am content with what God is doing with me and I will be glad for this is the day that the Lord has made,be glad and rejoice. For Our God is a Mighty God He reigns over all of His creation. Amen

By Faith

I was re-reading some comments left by others and I got impressed to talk about Faith.
Hebrews 11:1 What is faith? and by Faith are the two points we see and in my life by Faith was closely followed by When!
  Being broken down by life's hard ways and in dealing with things I never could have imagined in my life these events helped mold me and change me into the man I am today. By Faith I trusted God, By Faith I cried out.... and By Faith I crawled then walked and now I get to run the race for Christ as Paul states in the Bible.
 Now getting back to the old ways of when. I thought that God was up there with all His stuff just waiting to give me what I wanted, and I figured that I could speed up the process. Nope folks you got to wait upon the Lord, I learned that the hard way. So if you are anxious,fretful,worried,impatience I urge you to get still,Pray about it to see if it is God's will for you and to Trust in Jesus whom formed you. Have a great day in Jesus Name. and pray for snow! LOL Pax CH

Three times called

This morning I was into 1st Samuel 2:11 and as I worked down into 1st Samuel 3:8-2 1 was impressed to write down some thoughts about what I was reading and researching.
 Eli's sons Hophni and Phinehas had committed sin (sin of contempt) against God but taking from the offering at the temple of the Lord what was God's.
  The way it reads is that the priests were to be fed from what was offered to the Lord as a sacrifice.  all the sacrifice was to be put into the pot that boiled the meat and whatever parts that came out was theirs to eat when the three-pronged fork was put in to fetch out their portion but because they despised,scorned and took for themselves the first parts (Hophni & Phinehas picked the choicest pieces) they sinned. Rejecting God and His Authority they were called sons of Belial (ungodly men,w/o profit,worthless,failures in the eyes of God) and also they knew not (did not acknowledge,or be aware of God) His sons went with woman who stood at the gates of the city (prostitutes) and People gossiped about this and Eli heard about it also.
  God cursed them and told Eli that his sons would been dead on the same day. This is also about Eli knowing about his son's actions but doing nothing about it , or calling them on it.Rebuking, restraining them Eli was weak with them He didn't practice Tough Love with them. We as parents do LOVE our kids but we must call them to correct behavior and not turn a blind eye to the wrong.
  Samuel was called by God in the temple of the Lord because Hannah his mother was barren and she conceived and named her son Samuel which means Heard by God and Samuel grew into a inspired man,a prophet,obedient unto the Lord.She deditcated him when he was still in her womb.
  So when Samuel was old enough he went to live with and help Eli who had grown old and his eyesight was poor. Now my favorite part: For three times God called out loud to Samuel and for three times he ran into Eli's room asking "What do you need Eli? and I love that it took Eli time to discern that it was God calling.
  But  Now ask yourself One small question? When God calls to you do you hear Him? Notice that God called to Samuel in the quiet of the night when sleeping Samuel heard he jumped up and screahed. God has been calling you and me for so time now and for awhile also it seems to me personaly that thru all the trouble and pain I have endured in my life that now is the time that I hear God calling me. "Carl Carl! "Here I am Lord speak for your servent is listening."
  This tells me so much that God never quits on us(Me) He knows what He wants me and for many years I heard but never acted on it. But now is the time and here in Woodstock,IL. is the church New Life Christian Center is the place where I am to be,to God's bondsman,to work and to worship Jehovah God my provider.
  SO in all I have written and read I know a few things:
 God calls us to serve Him.
  Many of us hear but not alot make the effort to listen and do what God wants us to do.
  Most of us if called have filled our lives with so much input there is no room for God's voice to be  heard.
  Lastly we make excuse's why we can't be for God and I won't mention them too many to write and we all know the reasons we make excuse's.
My Jehovah-Jireh  Pax CH

Faith in God

I liked this from Facebook Turnback to God that I posted it and shared it and now I am putting it into my blog. May God be your Shield and your Strength.

From Turnback to God Many people think that faith is a secret formula for escaping trials, suffering, and pain. But it's not true. The martyrs refused to deny their faith even in the midst of sacrifice and suffering. They experienced emotional and physical anguish and mistreatment. Even though they were tortured and beaten they endured to the end, because they knew that faith is not immunity from pain, and their faith in God would sustain them and strengthen them even through the deepest, darkest times of their lives! You may never be called by God to endure what the martyrs endured, but it pleases God for you to endure, in faith, the trials that come your way. When hardship comes, trust God! Walk in obedience with Him. He will see you through!
My Thoughts: Because enduring hardships,pain,suffering,abuse all the garbage we as humans heap on to each other by having Faith in God you will persevere and walk thru as Daniel and his boys in the furnace and when you come out the other side you become better,stronger with a unshakeable,solid belief,Faith,having assurance in Christ,to rely on Jesus. Pax CH

Laughter is God's way

Laughter is I believe is one of the ways God can heal us;Why do I say that? After laughing have you ever felt sick,or bad,mad.NOPE so with that in mind I thought today I would post some cartoons that made me laugh. Enjoy them

SUNDAY Service @ NLCC

Today was a great Sunday service @ NLCC church in Woodstock,IL. and Pastor Scott and Pastor Clayton presented a no nonsense message about salvation and the way mankind has made up belief systems and religions that are sugarcoated and easy to swallow. In other words many religions tell us that God is a God that will let you be saved once you get to Heaven. and another way is that if we do good enough things down here we can buy our way in.WRONG! Man has fragmented the Bible and taken so many verses out of context and diluted the Message that Jesus taught that unless you study God's words and get serious about it and confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and have a intimate relationship with Him you are going to be put into God's wine-press on The Day of the Lord when Christ comes back to judge all men.
Now ask yourself a few questions: Do you believe the Bible is God's Holy Word?
Second: Of all the stories in the Bible many are supported by History and archaeology that has been documented by many people in the past and now. Third: Find Just one contradiction in the Bible which was written by 40 different writers and written over 1400 year span and written in three different languages and in all the books nothing is out of order and they all speak of God's plan of redemption, and salvation and that Jesus is The Way and The Truth and The Life and no one comes to the Father except thru Him

What God placed on my Heart this Morning

God sees us in our pain and in our life in living with the abuse and horrors that families put on each others and the pain a child myself carried for many years and how I was trampled ,broken ,left on the road damaged and heart broken w/o any esteem left in me. But rejoice people God has and can restore to any of  you every good thing that He has for us. Now is the time of renewing and building up so we can face the coming darkness with boldness and strength and Be not afraid God gets it He gives His people all that they need visions,dreams ,food and comforts so we as the Body of Christ can walk out into the places that need to hear Jesus is coming and when He comes He is not coming to be soft and be like a lamb. He is coming with Judgement and to harvest all those left on the earth with a sickle of Christ will sweep across the earth and all those left here that refused Jesus will be placed in God's  wine-press wrath and be pressed down and judged fairly and righteously. One note many Christians think that we will be snatched up,rapture Nope folks we are to be here to help,guide,teach,preach to those who don't know God says in His word that we will be protected and we will able to be the bold people of God and right before The day of the Lord that REV.14:14-19 speaks of happens and in Joel 2:30-32   The time is right now that God is using His Body of Christ to start the movement that will travel thru the whole earth and to all people.s and it is w/o the only time in human history where a great division is going to happen and the void between those that know Jesus and those who refuse Jesus. it will become even to the non-believers very real and very fearful and many will be saved by the Blood of the Lamb Jesus Our Lion of Judah

Damaged Goods?

God has placed on my heart that it is time to share a bit about my life to you all and to tell you about how Jesus has saved me.
 I was born on July 27th 1956 and I was born 3 months premature weighting in @2lbs 13oz. and I then dropped down to 2lbs9oz.that's the start of Jesus watching over me. Moving into childhood for whatever reasons I became the victim of every type of abuses that can be inflicted on someone by many family members for many years. all the abuse went on and on and I learned to stuff all my hate,anger,emotions deep sown in my soul. then as I grew I used drugs and food to comfort my pain being the one who could party harder and eat more then anyone else. and still thru all this Jesus waited for me. As a "adult" I lived and learned those lessons we all get to learn and then met my first wife Mary and we got married and my life became normal in many ways we raised our daughter Melissa and both of us worked hard to make it. Making mistakes along the way and still Jesus waited.
In 1986 April Mary and I had been attending a Assembly of God church in Racine,WI. and we had been going for awhile and we had been talking to the Pastor about being born again so he came over to out home  and we both got saved the same day and at the same time that afternoon. We worked at being Christians and I placed God in my heart but as the parable goes about the seed and the soil Gods word flourished for awhile but I placed Him in a box from which I could work with Him when it was easy for me I had not allowed God to work with me. In 1989 I fell and I fell badly and still Jesus didn't turn away from me I then clinged to Him firmly till my time of trouble was over and by 2010 I had become disabled, I became a caregiver to many family members that I had seen get sick, very sick and then I had to bury those 11 family,friends with two of them passing away in my arms. My Mom in law Rita in 2005 and Mary my wife in 2010. After Mary went Home to Jesus I wandered around asking God many times why and now what am I going to do and I tried to cope with my grief with food and weed again as I had in my past. but by Oct.2010 I had reached my lowest point and I stopped doing all the self destructed things I was doing to myself and in Nov.2010 I reached out to Jesus for three nites I prayed,pleaded,cried out for Jesus to help me to save me from all the loneliness,pain,huge amount of grief and I told Him that I can't do this anymore living in such a place of hurting. I then told Jesus that I give up! I am done! I can't live anymore by my own ways and that if He doesn't have a plan for me then take me Home! I didn't want to live anymore. I surrender my soul,my life,my body,my mind to you Jesus Christ and all I am is yours to use,guide,help and lead as you my Lord and Savior sees fit. For three nites I did this and by the third nite a warmth like never before came over me like warm honey flowing slowly over me from my head down and  I heard a voice tell me that "Carl I made you and formed you in your Mother's womb and I hear your cries and I have plans for you." Jesus I cried Thank You! and from that place on I changed everything looked fresh,clean,crisper and as I walked in the Love of Jesus I became a new man  and A man that was wanting to serve God anyway He chooses. I then prayed for a helper, a wife that God would want me to be with and I was told to pray about everything that I wanted in a wife and I did. I asked God  and told Him every feature,how she would be funny,spiritual strong, a woman of God with a heart that seeks to bless others,her hair color,eye color,how tall I mean I ready prayed about all she was to be . And then I waited and on Feb.4th2011 I met Laura online at ChristianMingle.com God's answer to my prayers YES He does Listen Folks. and we started to email and talk on the phone and on March 7th @ 342pm in McHenry courthouse in Woodstock,IL. we became husband and wife brought together by God and the story that follows is another one.
But getting back to my title Damaged Goods the facts are this no matter how bad your childhood may have been or how horrible your life is now Jesus can make a way for you.He can take all your rage,pain hurts, sufferings and use all your memories and use them to show His Power of Love and give you a new heart "behold I make all things new." Jesus said it and that's the truth and you may ask why does God allow all the horror that happens to us as kids happen. I don't know why but God has taken all my memories and all my anger,rage against them and He has healed me and used me to help others and by me having gone thru all that I have I can relate and share with you all and maybe show someone the Love and forgiveness Of Jesus. Amen

the condition or the darkness within.

Hello today I was cleaning out the fridge  and I came across this yellow zucchini and it had been placed in our fridge about 3 weeks ago clean,fresh,w/o any blemishes. and as you can see from this picture I took of it before it was dispatched down the insinkerator. It got me thinking? How many of us have souls that are like this zucchini? We start out with one fresh,clean ready to live and learn and as we make choices in our lives and because of our spiritual neglect,lack of care and feeding our soul with God's words and following His ways. As we exercise the gift that God gave us Free Will. We make bad decisions, we sin,becoming less aware of God's Holy Spirit and then we start to listen to the enemy as it whispers in your ears "Oh what you have done is so horrendous,disgusting that God Himself won't,can't forgive you,and we believe those lies from the father of all lies as we turn inward and we stop reaching out to Jesus .We will try and try to do it ALL on our own time after time. We will fail, Our souls get sick, and they begin to fill up with darkness and as the light that Jesus is shines less and less in us our souls wither as this zucchini has done till it becomes a waste, and it can't be used for anything. But one thing we can do that the zucchini could not do is this! We can get on our knees and cry out to Jesus,reach up to our Loving Father's Hands and be embraced and be forgiven of all our transgressions, and all our sins and we can then become renewed,restored,redeemed by the Blood of Jesus Christ! Halleluiah! my brothers and sisters repent and turn from your evil ways and be renewed by Jesus the King of Kings .The Way to Salvation is open. may you get it before your chance passes.  So my friends,family or strangers that read this blog. What is the condition of your soul and how much darkness thrives within? Pax CH

Generation seeks signs and wonders

Matthew 16:1-19:30
A generation that seeks,demands a sign from Jesus;Jesus spoke to the Pharisees and Sadducee s in His time and they demanded a sign that would prove that Jesus was the Son of God. Jesus did not give them what they demanded. Now we live in this time when all around us people are clamoring for a sign that Jesus is real; "Oh we will not believe unless we see a miracle or see a wondrous event happen before us." We live in a age where we can predict the weather,make good guess's at possible earthquakes and tornadoes,etc.. And so it goes without saying those seeking after Jesus wandering around living lives that  w/o Jesus looking everywhere for answers Psychics,tarot cards,horoscopes,fortune tellers, and bunch of mislead folks looking for content,happiness in all the wrong ways. Jesus is the Only way,the Truth, and The Life. that's it. Now those of us that are in the body of Christ must be more aware of what,how,why let into our minds,bodies,lives,homes all the garbage that can and will take our eyes off Jesus. And many "Preachers,teachers,Prophets" and many others are crawling out of the woodwork hollering on TV their out of context messages straight from God and for only $19.99 I will send you your own personal message God has for you because He wants me to tell you. What a bunch of bologna! Many of them use sentences that sound like Bible verse and Bible stories but God's Holy Words tell us to test everything from all that speak about God and we are to call out the false teachings and to make others aware before the whole world becomes deceived by the evil one who would love for us to just sit back and to not agree on anything and to just follow these false ones with blind faith and wander our way into hell saying "I thought he was on God's side he sounded like Jesus." Paul writes to us to be very alert and to test every word. You and I are to be editors in this world of confusion. and say something don't sit and say "Oh somebody else will take care of that."

Oct.21st

Beware folks false Prophets are crawling out of the woodwork and don't be deceived by the evil one and his garbage news.

False prophet Harold Camping says Oct. 21 is 'probably' definitely Doomsday

False prophet Harold Camping says Oct. 21 is 'probably' definitely Doomsday

Oh what a weekend!

 Interesting weekend. God has Made some things in our Spiritual life to be revealed to both Laura & I. The most efffective thing that occured was on Saturday when God had me speak a statement and I believe many out there are srtuggling with the same sort of things.Trust Jesus!

Worry.Fear,inabilities to cope with the amount of stress that you have when you have to be a caregiver to a Loved one. I will tell you from my own life experiences these things since 2005 I have had to bury 12 people and of those 12 and 2 of them passed into eternity in my arms one was my Mom-in-law and the other was my 1st wife Mary and I was a caregiver to most of them and the Love between a person being cared for and the one doing the cares and yes there are moments that pass between the two of you during those times of one human being helping another  that are priceless and these moments made me think of when Jesus washed the disciples feet and how He gave up His Life for us. And the Holy Spirit power that flows thru them and you is a amazing never have I felt this until I became a caregiver. Thank You Jesus!


 I have no doubt that Jesus has paid by His Sacrifice,His Blood has washed your pains,hurts away and in Him is total freedom to begin again to live,breathe and to see the world in a better Light, the Light of Jesus that will burn away all of your pain. Accept Jesus and become one of His Children and let the Joy of the Lord enter in and change your future.

"Heading Home"

My grammer and stuff

As many of you now I am not the best speller ( thank God for spell check) but sometimes I miss it because I get on a roll with God's Holy Spirit flowing and I sometimes push publish before I edit. Forgive me but I think It adds some real stuff to it the blog I am a human Woops!

WHY? Trust Jesus

Here is something that I believe everyone should read: Hallelujah May God receive all the Praise and Glory and all the people that read this get it and turn their hearts to Jesus! AMEN

I Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late!! All you have to do is look and aspect Jesus Christ as your Savior.

 Subject: FW: FROM CBS SUNDAY MORNING -- A MUST READ..

I Only hope we find GOD again before it is too late!! The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary. My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away. I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to. In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?' In light of recent events..... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says 'Thou shalt not kill'; 'Thou shalt not steal,' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' And we said OK. Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem. We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay. (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide.) Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.' Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace. Are you laughing yet? Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not, then just discard it . . . no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. My best regards, honestly and respectfully, Ben Stein  I myself Carl Heck feel this way about our country and where it is headed to hell folks W/O Jesus we all will persih. But you tell yourself God would'nt do that to me.I give to the poor andI don't hurt anyone or anything. I respect my Mom and Dad . What culd I have done that would cause Jesus to say to me when I go to Heaven "Depart from me I knew you not!"  It boils down to these simple questions: Have you ever looked at someone male or female and thought about them in a way that should only be for your husband or wife.... then you get to burn. Or have you ever looked at,wished,treated some object like your home,car,boat,lawn like it was the best thing on earth and you spent all your free time tending to it,waxing,cleaning,pruning it... then you burn. or have you ever said to yourself. My company makes millions they won't miss these notebooks,pens,paper clips...etc.,etc.. or have you worked some where and eaten things from the fridge that were marked for someone else.... well you burn.. By now I hope you get the point none of us can keep the Ten Commandments and if someone says Oh yes I have then they are lying. For we are human and as humans it is impossible to please God because of the sin nature that was entered by Adam and Eve. and all the "good works" you or I do while on this earth will never erase our sins from God's books. Only by one way and by one Jesus can we be saved! By accepting Jesus Christ as Our personal SAVIOR now and living our life in complete surrender to Him and getting to know God by daily reading, learning from the bible and by the Holy Spirit indwelling in each of us will we get to hear those Blessed words spoken by Jesus Christ "Welcome my good and faithful servant come into your rest for your work on earth is done," may God bless you and shine His SON shine upon you this day. AMEN Pax CH

time spent well

Well I am happy to say that Jesus is our Savior and our Lord. It seems to me that even w/ a broken ankle and being unable to move around very well God has allowed me to be still and know Him.Time spent well that if ankle wasn't in a cast I wouldn't have all this time to worship,grow,learn,correspond in this new way about Jesus Christ and why He came to earth not to long ago. I am praying that maybe this blog can edify,encourage, convict ,comfort just one soul in their journey seeking Jesus.

How amazed byGod I am.

Each day I wake up and I know I am here because of the various pains and aches that a 55 year old body wakes up with but each day Jesus has helped me renew,restore my faith that He is in control and that we are loved by a Almighty Powerful Loving God. How many times have I turned away from Him more than I can count but how many times has God welcomed me back? More than I could possibly count. That's what I am saying God waits and he knows the time,place,moment where we are going to reach out for Him and to ask Him to embrace us with His Loving arms and when that happens His Holy Spirit starts to heal us and with Jesus as our Guide we can begin to grow,learn and focus not on the morning pain but on the glorious life in Jesus Christ we can have when you become Born-again. We can be in daily communion with the Father being lead by Jesus and being blessed by the Holy Spirit. So today open your eyes and see the wonder of the season and enjoy the fact that God loves us all and He waits for your pleads,cry to Him FatherGod I need you ,I accpect Jesus Christ as my Savior and by the Holy Spirit I should be healed. And let me interject on a personal note There is nothing that God can not forgive and nothing that Jesus's Blood can not wash away and there is nothing that the Holy Spirit can not Heal and make new,fresh and be restored to how God intended me,you to be.

Oh what fun

Maybe I am old fashioned but this blogging stuff is some fun and it has taken me a few hours to understand it and don't know if anyone can read it yet but it the blog pops up when typed in so I hope somebody gives me some feedback on it. trusting God for everything. Amen

Each day starts in God's ways

Well I am in a place of deep pain over this weekend one of our cats got out and she was found dead by my wife Laura Sunday nite what a horrible moment we both cried and wondered why. But no answers came. God ways are not our ways and if we were able to understand God the He wold not be the God that we worship and give praise to I rad that "If God was small enough to understand  then He would not be big enough to worship." We then decided to get another kitten His name is Sparky because he brings new life into our home, Cody because he is needed, and Heck of course. Alot of pain over this but by God's ways we will be healed and comforted by God and we trust i n Him. Amen

humbled by God

I decided with a little help from my friends to start this. I hope with anything God sees that many people may read this and by His Power be convinced to change and turn to Jesus in a time in their lives when everything around them seems to be falling apart. Jesus is the only way to contentment and peace.  That's where I'll start in turmoil and trouble trying to solve my problems my way because Oh I am a man strong like bull,walking w/o Jesus.